To J.

& I don't even know why I bother trying to keep up/catch up with you, to be there and care for you, when you don't even appreciate nor acknowledge the efforts I try to put in, in just trying to still be in a part of your life. For almost 6 years, I fought for you, hard, to try and just salvage our friendship, or whatever we had, to keep you here because I still wanted you in my life. Do you even still want me here, want this long time friend of yours? If not, just tell me straight-up, and I'll just go. I admit, many times, I tried so hard to keep you with me that I held onto you so tightly, but I only did that because I still wanted you to stay in my life, and for you to not give up on us because we've been through so much together. A few times as well, I walked away, I washed my hands off of us, but you always came back. Now, what was I supposed to do, ignore you? No, I wouldn't do that, even though you always ignore me at times. It's tiring really.... sometimes I feel so tired, I really don't know what to do nor what to say anymore. Like as if nothing I did was going in the right direction nor was it fruitful in any way. And it hurts me more in knowing that... you're not putting the effort to try and keep me here, whenever I wanted to give up or simply walk away from everything, from us. I never asked for much, J. You may call me foolish, but all I ever wanted or wished for was for you to show me that you cared, and to just spend time with me, even if it were for 5 minutes. I honestly didn't think I deserved all the bull you said or did to me before; it hit me so bad then. For all I ever did, was love you.